conspiracy of life TM
by TACTIK BOBESS THE 2ND
Summary: A guide to the inside of a head less normal - The conspiracies cover different aspects of life thru the head of a more than normal teenage girl *-_*
1. Conspiracy Of Life Part 1 - Saturday Hap...

Do u eva wonder wot happens 2 the entire population of fluffheads on a Saturday? Wot do they do afta the normal waking hours of 12pm? And which of 2 places do they spend evry worthless minute of their lil lives hangin around? Take a guess.......go on...go on, go on, go on (the advert springs 2 mind) Neway two places or if they are feelin really adventurous they mite go 2 both (shock horror!) These r - Bluewater and Bexleyheath (bexlayheafff!!!) And wot do they spend their time doin? Flicking their innocent lil dreadlocks out of their heads weneva they don't get a lad 2 smile @ them! Omg!!! How shallow is our population becoming! And as 1 of the quotes state in this very slambook - Neva under estimate the power of stupid people in large groups and this is definitely the case here. And the funniest thing has got 2 be, ok wait, wait , wait ill set the scene: A grp of fluffies r goin 2 bluewatttaaaa (where else) aboard the eva soo faithful bus (grrr!) and r convinced they will get sum "hot totty" by the time the days up n who knos they may evan shop a lil. I mean y wud ne1 eva want 2 go 2 a major shopping centre otha than 2 boywatch. (n don't forget they don't want no "mingers") They are dressed in their prized burberry scarves n trousers and not 2 mention their classy Nickleson shirts (they r only 2 b considered as a mere number whoa remember they can only count up 2 1 people!). Then cum the 4 1/2 heels with the trademark "rangers" plastered down the side. (how quaint) Not to mention the fact th@ blue mascara does not go with pink blusher no matta how hard u try! (don't tell them th@ tho let us hav a laff!) - And now 2 my point: Hav u eva noticed how slippery the floor is at Bluewatttaaaa? And hav u noticed how none of the fluffies can wlk in their heels and how hystericaly funny it is 2 watch them tryin 2? If u havent its very funny 2 watch - believe me! U don't only get them lookin like clown u also get them actin like it 2! And then the "totty is spotted. Hunted down and put under inspection. Now to the otha side of the human race (well actually both sides if u wanna b really critical) wot is with the sox ova the trousers????? Old men on bikes spring 2 mind! If ure trousers r too short buy sum longer ones but don't eva commit this crime as it is possibly the crime of crimes against fashion. And then the posing. They hang wit their "homies2 trin desperately tryin 2 eat their bike- like chains commonly known as "dolly chains" until they succumb to the cravins of fags under layers of denim jackets, burberry scarves and nickleson shirts.Anotha point jus mentioned 2 me here: Sovereign rings. U can buy em or nick em from argos or h samuels but make sure u hav lots n wear em well in! da dum...thankq, thankq, thankq very much. Neway yeah sovereign rings...I once saw this quote on "you kno ure a pikey wen" website which sed - u kno ure a pikey wen ure weddin ring is a sovereign ring from argos priced @ jus £9.99! N also, "u kno ure a pikey wen... ure teenage daughter lets her daughter smoke @ the dinner table" - wow I hav gr8 respect 4 the people who write this stuff! Well, neway - in conclusion I will say th@ respect the fluffies as they cum 2 our planet in peace and in large grps but togetha they hav the brain mass of a polka dot on a fleas party dress. But don't eva "diss them" (mainly bcoz they will seriously murder u) they were once humans...(believe it or not) .....2 b continued, ZACCI, FRENZY - CHI, CAMMI 


	2. Conspiracy Of Life Part 2 - People And A...

Y r people sooo different 2 animals? That's it shes finally gone and cracked I hear u cry in ure mingled lil voices. Nah I havent cracked im jus exploring the possibilities of people I kno perhaps bein, to put it in a more delicate light, walkin wit dinosaurs. U c, there r sum people in this world th@ disply all the signs of bein a animal: number one - eatin habits, number two - body language and finally number three - vocal material (whetha ya speak da lingo of da dartford ghettos or fe bexlayheafan clock towaar lingo). Lets take numero uno first. When the "chick" is seen eatin a sweet, commonly known as the curly wurly which can be brought from the shop at a reasonable price, she first stylishly rips off the outer wrapper bein particulary careful not 2 "ruin her nails". This is followed by the flick of hair as discussed earlier in part 1. One has often found oneself wishin for the "chick" to touch the curly wurly bar first and then flick the hair causin a "mingin" mess to becum congelled in the hair and cause unwanted lowlites! (*evil laff*)  
Of corse this fails to happen at many opportunity but theres no harm in wishin. Secondly body language. Wen approchin a "completely unsuitable mate but doesn't stop her tryin" kind of lad, the fluff demonstrates the lack of tactfulness she posesses. Her eyes bcum like swelled up pancakes and the subject bcums one gr8 big pile of drips from the drippiest tap in the whole wide drippy world and this obviously fails to impress the wanted so called "totty". Well duh! Whod want a fluffhead that not only looks like a pancake but talks like 1 too? This leads me on to my final point - lingo. There r 7 main groups situated in the heart of bexleyheath (more commonly known as bexlayheaf 2 many estatans). The goths - coated in evry black article of clothin possible from head 2 toe (usually in non existance until marilyn manson comes 2 stay @ the marriot hotel), the grunges - the "different people" (usually found sportin a linkin park hoodie with the words camden rocks printed down their customised phatt pants), the trendies (lookin like they've bin run ova by 3 paint rollers bcoz they r usually dressed in nothin but adidas), the mixers,- the freaks (in short supply around bheath as they r trainin 4 the chess olympics in a secret location 0000000!), the geeks (hmm needs no explainin) and last and certainly least - the pikeys/townies! Nickleson shirts (y?!? who wants 2 be a number), gold hoop earrings that one cud fit ones hand into and not to mention BURBERRY! (wot the hell is happenin 2 our society wen all people can think about is manky coloured material with lines across it?) Don't even mention wearing nuthin but burberry. Omg! And yet they still commit the same crimes against the rules of fashion. Somebody plzz tell them it sux. Ne way bck 2 the sub - the lingo of these 7 grps changes dramatically. Pikeys for instance use wrds such as the wrd "mingin" (I kno, I kno y do they do it?) and decide 2 c how mny times it will fit into a sentence, whereas mixers are found using lingo such as - well, normal lingo (woteva normal is!). Its strange 2 say but wen commonly found riding the rarely evident buses (that's anotha argument!), and bombarded with a certain schools lingo which basically comprises of 1 single word beginnin wit f and endin in k (sometimes followed by -ing or -ed), most can be referred 2 as gorillas. Not only do they look like them but they also act like them. Jus don't get near them wit a banana or a dictionary (not 2 mention a family plannin leaflet!) Ok, ok I kno ive babbled too long and now im gonna conclude on my findings. Animals are luvly things (unless ure at the end of their foodchain in which case they basically suck but neway..) animals are luvly which is y humans always want 2 b like them and..............2 b continued ZACCI 


	3. Conspiracy Of Life Part 3 - Fluffies

The fluffiest thing a fluffy cud eva do in the whole wide fluffy world with all its fluffy people in it along with all their fluffy possesions is 2 damn well fluffy go and fluff up the fluffy ways ive ended up in! And guess wot? Fluffy's yet again prove th@ they really don't have nething except fluff between one ear n the otha!   
Hearteatin guy has once again eaten my heart 4 brekkas n once again I witnessed the sacred ceremony of the fluffies. All praise and follow I heard them say (ok so mayb they didn't actually say those words but they may as well have) As the circle was formed squeaky little helium voices were heard constantly screamin, "whhhhooooar hes fit aint he," until they succeeded in making themselves look even more like a pathetic type of sect than they already did. Jus 2 show how miniscule minded one can be (using the term one is a substitute for actually mentionin the "holy fluffies" name as u may have guessed) one made a statement th@ has virtually ruined all plans and created one big fat fluffy problem. Hmmm let me assess the situation as it stands now:  
One completely fit pikey (yes I kno, sox n all but hey hes luvly jubbly), one fluffy with the brain mass of a particulary small grain of dust and one mixer with a regurgerated - tomato ketchuped heart. Now mix them all up in a big human sized basin and wot do u get? A fluffy pikey with a mixer on the side. Oooo it makes me heave (especially wen the pikey is a major subject in the sect's surveilance system!) On close investigation I realised th@ unless one such mixer mends her mangled up heart and sticks it back 2getha again with double sided sticky tape the pikey will b 4eva stuck inside wot will probably seem like a hoover (all th@ dust or lack of!) So if the sticky tape doesn't co-operate and fails to stick ones heart back togetha all is lost. Anotha element th@ has failed 2 impress is th@ one such pikey misses several appointments (actually I don't blame him - I mean all th@ fluff!) and so makes it harder 2 mend th@ bloody heart! Also the latest trick 2 b performed is the don't-turn-up-until-one-has-completely-gone-out-of-her-brains-with-anticipation-not-to-mention-nearly-the-end-of-the-appointment trick. (very clever but id like 2 kno the real reason!) Comfy beds really don't help in this matta ive got a good idea to sue all bed companies at this precise moment in time. OOO this doesn't get ne easier - parents! Although they may create a good opportunity in the near future if evrything goes accordin to plan mmmwwwhaaaaahhaaa * evil laff * Hahum...neway as I was sayin. Yes..if all goes accordin to plan and if the past drags is head up from the foto album - we cud be in with a result and im not tlkin bout includin ne fluffies here! Oh well anotha installment in the eva growin conspiracy of life series so in conclusion. Don't u jus hate it wen they all end with a conclusion and then..................................ZACCI 


	4. Conspiracy of life part 4 - Why does it ...

Why does it always rain on me? I ask this without thinking really bcoz it hasn't really rained on me since I was standin at the bustop for the rarely evident bus. Tlkin of buses - isn't it sooooo typical wen ure waitin 4 a bus and then 2 cum in a row on the otha side of the road but even more mind numbin - is wen ure stuck in a trafic jam and the number bus u required last week wen tryin 2 meet ure girlies in town 4 a shop till u drop sesh is causing the hold up. Ne way bck 2 the sub -  
Y does it always rain on me? Ok, ok so it doesn't all the time but sum times it seems like it does. Espesh wen evry1 around u is continually writin their "future husbands" name in permanent pen all over and I'm tlkin ALL ova their once spotlessly clean notepads etc. I mean im tlkin of writin in places u Neva thought exisited in a notepad! Well im not bein entirely truthful bcoz I myself hav actually carried out this deadly deed virtually evry day since I first laid eyes on HIM. Ok mayb not since the first time I saw him bcoz bck then I cudnt write, but certainly for about the past yr. Despite countless attempts to try and piece bck my once whole mind and bring it bck from wishful thinkin land, visions of the guy who has eaten my heart for breakfast accompanied by tomato ketchup and chips remain engraved in my head for wot seems like eternity but is actually a day! And then theres the small matta of virtually evry song th@ has been composed remindin me of him with the possible exception of beethoven's Moonlight sonata which is just my most hated song eva! For once I realise wot longin for means. There are jus sumthings th@ I hav neva understood and hopefuly neva will otherwise I will kindly ask whoeva is reading this now to slap me round the face with a wet fish. For instance iv neva understood fluffheads. Ok, Ok so I mayb a lil bit tooooooo obsessed by the guy as b4 mentioned but fluffheads - cum on!  
"oh my god hes soooo fit, did u c th@ arse - oooo hes like th@ guy I snogged at th@ really mingin party" promptly followed by "which guy woz th@, 1st , 2nd or 3rd ". I suppose anotha name wud be basically a slapper or more commonly known around the southern states of Bexleyheath - "a townie or pikey". And while we're on the subject wot is the fascination with the wrd mingin? Who invented it? Wot were they referring to and y do sooo many people seem intent on seeing how many times it will fit into a sentence. Again I refer to the b4 mentioned - pikeys. And then to make it even worse - wot is up with the posin? Not to mention the gooey eyes and the hair flickin business weneva "mr irresistable" wlks past. Purlease! Yes im tlkin bout u and u kno who u r! Yes u do! Cum bck here, yes u... Admit it ur a fluffhead and always will b. Thanku miss ribbit! And not to mention u miss hey arnold! Ne way im blabbin and continuously getting further and further away from the subject intended for this totally pointless note. Bck to the matta in hand which btw has not left my head throughout writing the absolute rubbish above. It hasn't left my numb head bcoz he is indeed a resident pikey himself ! Yes I kno. Its sad but hey. In conclusion - ............2 b continued. ZACCI 


	5. Conspiracy Of Life Part 5 - Fluffies and...

Fluffies and smoking go 2getha like 2 pieces of bread and butter. Some things jus seem to gel more quickly than others and no im not tlkin jelly here! I don't kno if its jus me but don't fluffies seem to have hands specifically moulded to hole cigarette packets? And fingers constantly poised in a peace sign constantly to hold the actual ciggy? Mathinx yes! I came out of skool the otha day and was amazed at the almost instant reaction to pull out a packet of fags and attempt to lite 1 while holding it in their mouth (wow don't panic wow their managing to do 2 things at once all by their selves - ah how cleva!) and its especially funy wen the winds blowing up! Haha! Moulded fag shaped hands, coloured fingers to match the colour of their eyeshadow (and not blue b4 u think bout it!), flotation of smoke to match the brains (or lack of!) floatin up and out of their heads and last and definitely least impressible....the packet throwing habits! Believe it or not fluffies - those lil green darleks called bins are actually there 4 a purpose not jus 4 decoration! zacci 


	6. Conspiracy Of Life Part 6 - Examz

Examz. Whats the point of takin a test to see wetha or not u can answa a question that a teachers "meant " to have taught u? And why is it that one exam decides the rest of your life? One day could depend on a lot. Its quite funny the way undependable fluffies sit in the exam deciding wetha or not theyre meant to eat the paper or jus stare at it as if it's the wrong olour burberry! O no!!!! Heavens preserve the sacred print (sticks fingers down throat and gags) 


	7. Conspiracy Of Life Part 7 - Smoking in P...

One of the things I will never eva understand is why some stupid idiots ar willing to put their mangled lil lives and others in jepoardy! Yes, im tlkin bout smoking in petrol stations!!!!!! What is the point?! Its not kool, it doesn't prove nething and it certainly doesn't increase your chances of winning the lottery! (in fact it probably decreases the chance bcoz afta the worst the chances of actually being able to fill out a lottery ticket are pretty slim!). Right here right now here comes the facts! You stupid ppl capable of doing far less stupid things - yes you - you listening??? Good! Petrol is flammable, flammable means fire, fire means flames, flames means ouch, ouch means white light, white light means ure shortened ure life by much more than u alredy had by smoking in the first place and uve in fact died! Ah ure lifes fab innit? In fact u wont have a life if you carry on. Don't do it u idiots. Fill up ure car don't blow it up! 


	8. Conspiracy Of Life Part 8 - Clothes

Clothes. Baggy phat pantz or tight bootlegs? Jeans or small hotpantz? 2 denominations of ppl. Is eitha right? Depending on where the ppl are and Not who theyre with, yes Not who theyre with. Its not right to wear hotpantz when ur "normal" (whatever normal is) gear are a pair of phat pantz. Y botha? If you don't feel comfortable in what u wear do you really think your "aura" (ooo im goin all spiritual hehe!) is goin 2 b positive? Not to mention confident? The day I see a fluffy fully fledged and all wearing phat pantz will be the day I neva stop laffin! "o my gawd is tat a great big necklace fing or sumfing daaaarling?" tlkin bout chains of corse! I suppose it could work the other way tho and say grungers in hotpantz but @ least they wud know what they were. God they see enuf of them exposed on fluffies. But do they get a chance? Meat in butcher shops gets less exposed! 


End file.
